A Fictional Life: Part I - Humble Beginnings

In your life, if you are a reader (and if you aren't, then shame on you), there will be novels that affect you in ways beyond just an entertaining way to pass the time.  Literature CAN change lives, and for the better.  There is a story embedded in every reader's reading life.  It is the story of their journey through literature, or perhaps, more aptly, the story of literature's journey through their life.  For some people this story is a complex and winding tale.  For others, it is a simple journey along a single path.  My story is the former...an odd journey that has taken me through many different genres, authors, and fads.  It is a wonderful story...

In the 1970s, Folgers offered a promotion where you would receive a free copy of Treasure Island with the purchase of a 2 lb can of coffee.  My dad read the book aloud to me, and it made an impression.  Like all boys, I longed for an adventurous life.  Jim Hawkins' fit the bill.  I wondered if I could be as still as a mouse while hiding in the apple barrel, a treasonous plot unfolding a few feet away.  The moral ambiguity of Long John Silver may have been a bit over my head as a young boy, but his menace was easily detectable.  My reading journey had begun.

When I was in elementary school, I loved comic books.  Yes, I did read actual books as well, but mostly non-fiction.  But then, when I was about 13, I heard people talk about this guy named Tom Clancy.  He wrote novels about the thing that most fascinated me:  War.  So, I acquired a copy of a book called Red Storm Rising.



The hyper-realistic, technically-correct, and riveting battle action of this book made me want to read more.  This led me to other Tom Clancy books, and I devoured them all throughout junior high and high school.  In fact, I became a fan of the entire techno-thriller genre.  [As an aside, I should say that military techno-thriller began to die after the end of the Cold War.  It is a shadow of its former self]

My other passion during my teenage years was Star Trek novels; in particular, The Lost Years by J.M. Dillard.  Let me tell you, there are a lot of Star Trek novels.  Some were good, some not-so-good.  But it kept me reading and eventually opened the door to more substantive "speculative fiction".  [I hesitate to throw around the term "more substantive" when it comes to genre fiction, since this implies that it is somehow inferior to "literary fiction", which I believe is poppycock.]

TO BE CONTINUED...

A Toast to Brendan...

On a chilly autumn morning in 1978, something happened that changed the O’Bryhim family forever.  While walking through the wilds of Cedar Lakes Village near Harry and Rock, we heard a whimpering coming from the bushes.  

Much to our surprise, a semi-feral pack of border collies sprang from the foliage, leaving behind the man-cub we would name Brendan. Though still sporting a vestigial tail, we raised him as a human boy.  His border collie instincts never fully went away.  Just take a look at his bathroom sometime...you’ll see what I’m talking about.  His loyal packmates, Pepper and Jake, keep an eye on him to this very day.

Over the course of Brendan’s life, I have conducted a scientific program to create...the perfect brother.  Through a series of highly technical experiments, I have instilled a number of important life lessons in his psyche.

Life Lesson #1 - “Loyalty”...One day when Brendan was a toddler and I was about 4, I heard him crying in his bedroom.  Mom was nowhere to be found (probably drinking).  I knew I must stay loyal to my brother and stay with him.  However, nature was calling.  So, I made the right decision:  I pooped in the trash can.  Unfortunately, I missed.  It’s harder than it looks.

Life Lesson #2 - “Adversity”...One year for Christmas, Brendan very much wanted the G.I. Joe Jeep.  So when Christmas morning came, and I opened one of my presents, I was most pleasantly surprised to receive...the G.I. Joe Jeep.  Brendan was less pleased.  I can neither confirm nor deny whether I switched the labels.  However, I will say that I enjoy playing with it to this very day.

Life Lesson #3 - “Disappointment”...For years, there have been slanderous rumors that I may have been somewhat “careless” with Brendan’s things.  I may have occasionally broken a toy or 2...I may have broken the antenna on his boombox (it still worked afterwards)...but I did these things to show Brendan that with life comes disappointment.  You’re welcome!

Life Lesson #4 - “Never put your guard down”...Life sometimes takes you by surprise, so you must always be prepared.  So, when Brendan was 8, and we decided to go to a movie, I knew it was time to test Brendan’s reflexes.  He was sitting in the backseat, and I had the garage door opener in my pocket.  Soon thereafter, the rear window shattered all over my brother.  Never let your guard down, Brendan.

But there is one life lesson that I couldn’t teach Brendan.  That lesson he’s learned from Iris.  Life Lesson #5 - Unconditional, romantic love

Brendan, thank you for becoming the perfect brother.  Iris, thank you for joining our family and becoming the sister I never had.

Book Abortion...Series Edition

A single tear slid down my cheek as I gingerly placed the book on the counter.  Cherry, my personal Book-a-Holic Salesperson, lowered her head in sadness, for she knew what I was about to say.

"Cherry," I spoke in a hushed voice, "I...don't need these books anymore."

"Would you like cash or trade credit?" she whispered.

"What I'd like...no...NEED...is peace of mind," I responded.

"What happened?" she asked, the timbre of her voice wavering with the emotion of the moment.

"I really liked Gardens of the Moon...and Deadhouse Gates was very solid.  But I began to grow estranged from the series even during that second book.  The enormous number of characters, the strange names, it all became so confusing, even with an index of names.  And some of my favorite characters appeared and disappeared...it caused so much pain..."

I looked down at the floor, trying to collect myself.

"When I started Memories of Ice, I never would have dreamed I would close that cover forever without finishing the book.  I wouldn't have dared guess I would come here with the fourth book completely unread..."

Cherry gave me a look steeped in compassion, "The Malazan Book of the Fallen series is famously intricate and detailed...and long.  No one will blame you for stopping."

"I need no one else's forgiveness...only my own," I replied, my eyes betraying my sorrow.

"I can give you $3 for all these."

"Sweet," I replied, "that happens to be the price of my regret."

Jolly Old ISIS

According to this article in USA Today, more British Muslims fight for ISIS than for the British Armed Forces.

Britain's Ministry of Defense confirmed to USA TODAY that there are approximately 600 British Muslim servicemembers in its armed forces of almost 200,000 people. Official government estimates put the number of British Islamic State fighters operating in Syria and Iraq at up to 800...

 Khalid Mahmood, a member of Parliament from an area with a high proportion of Muslim residents, said government estimates of the number of British Islamic State fighters currently in the Mideast is far too conservative. He told Newsweek magazine this week that at least 1,500 extremists are likely to have been recruited to fight in Iraq and Syria over the last three years.

It goes without saying that this is a profoundly disturbing set of facts for the future of UK.  Approximately 5% of the people in the UK are Muslim.  Due to birth rates and immigration, that percentage will almost certainly continue to grow.  According to several surveys of British Muslim opinion, attitudes amongst younger Muslims tend to be more antagonistic towards British society.  36% of 16-24 year olds believe that the punishment for a Muslim leaving Islam should be death.  Only 19% of the 55+ crowd have a similar belief.  Overall, 28% of British Muslims hoped that the UK would eventually become an Islamic state.

The good news is that the majority of British Muslims do not share these beliefs.  However, the proportion of British Muslims that reject the cultural traditions and mores of England is a testament to the decline in the confidence of the modern Western nation-state.  Many people believed that by attacking the concept of English (American, French, you name it) nationalism and patriotism, they would be able to inculcate a universalist ideology that would replace the messy nationalist creeds of the 19th and 20th centuries.  Instead, the result has been tribalism in the form of religious fervor.

People want to believe in something.  If a culture loses its confidence in its core beliefs, people will find something else to believe in.  That something else is not going to be the brotherhood of man, the United Nations, or anything so benign.  Instead, it will be something that can actually inspire the fire in a young man's belly:  Religion, tribe, nation, etc.

If a nation so loses its own confidence that it is unable or unwilling to make a case for its own value, it cannot survive in the long-term.  The major political parties in Europe have lost sight of the value of their own cultures.  Thus, new immigrants are not taught to value their new countries.  The eventual result can only be catastrophe.  Already, various Euroskeptic and anti-immigrant parties have made headway across the continent.  This should be no surprise.  The undemocratic nature of the European Union has disguised the disgust felt amongst the average citizen towards the immigration policies of their home countries.  The new parties have arisen in response to the traditional parties unwillingness to face the problem.

The endgame for all this is unclear.  But there are several possibilities:

1.  Major parties find the zeal of the convert and coopt the more reasonable platforms of their new rivals, resulting in sane immigration and naturalization policies that limit immigration, end perverse incentives caused by welfare payments to new immigrants, and encourage new immigrants to acculturate to their new home.

2.  They continue to ignore the problem, causing new, and ever-more radical parties to rise to prominence.  These parties will only exacerbate the problems between Muslim communities and the majority.  Eventually, this could lead to actual Fascism...which Europe is quite familiar with.

3.  The major parties bend to the will of the radical Islamists and allow the character of the nation to be changed through a lack of willingness to confront totalitarianism and theocratic fascism for what it is.  The results of this would be subtle at first...a rise in anti-Semitism, special treatment of Muslims at the expense of others, a blind eye to barbaric cultural traditions.  Some of this is already happening.

Let's hope for #1

Ferguson, Not Maynard

Ferguson Predictions:

1. It will be confirmed that Michael Brown participated in a strong-arm robbery that day.
2.  By the end of all this, the initial story of a kid being shot while running away, with his hands up, will be found to be entirely untrue...not a kid, not running away, hands not up.
3.  Multiple witnesses will confirm the cop's story.
4.  Police departments will continue to militarize for no good reason.
5.  Political pressure may result in charges against the officer.
6.  He will be acquitted due to the charges being unwise and unwarranted.
7. This will cause people to riot.
8. People will continue to overlay their political agenda on top of this situation.

6 Steps Toward a Better Education System

1. Pay math and science teachers more. This is necessary to attract talent.  The demand for them is high, but they can make more money elsewhere.  I'm a history teacher, so I don't benefit from this.  There is already enough self-interest built into this system.

2.  Decentralize.  Large bureaucratic school systems make poor decisions because they don't have adequate knowledge about the things that go on in their schools.  Don't give money to districts, give it to schools and teachers.

3.  Blur the line between teachers and administrators.  All administrators should also teach.  All teachers should help administrate.  It will make each better at their job.

4.  Fire bad teachers.  Tenure is a plague upon our educational system.  It sounds noble, but it is less noble up close.  How can you determine who is a bad teacher?  First, ask the students if they are learning.  Students can instantaneously tell you which teachers are helping them learn.  They can also differentiate between a cool teacher and a good teacher.  Just ask them.

5.  Hire smart and motivated people.  First, destroy the monopoly enjoyed by education schools.  A teaching certificate is not necessary to be a good teacher.  What's necessary is intelligence, motivation, charisma, and the knowledge necessary to succeed.  The first three can be sought out by human resources professionals.  Necessary knowledge can be gained by immersion into the classrooms of great teachers.

6.  Stop worrying so much about standardized tests.  Somehow, Socrates managed to educate his students without them.  If you implement #4 and #5, you won't need to worry about test scores any longer.

The Best British Films/TV Series You Haven't Seen

Jeremy Brett is the quintessential Sherlock Holmes.  Once you watch The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, you will never be able to read any Holmes stories without hearing Brett's voice.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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Sir Alec Guinness is masterful as George Smiley in the ORIGINAL adaptation of John LeCarre's novels.  First watch Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and then follow it up with Smiley's People.  I can't say enough about the quality of the acting in these two BBC miniseries from 1979 and 1982, respectively.  The 2011 remake is significantly inferior.  Don't bother with it.  The original is available on Netflix Disc.

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When I was a boy, my family would sit together and watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS.  To this day, it is still one of my favorite shows.  In fact, as you can see above, I visited the real Yorkshire town where the real "James Herriot" practiced.  The museum has the original BBC set, which you'll notice when comparing the photographs above.  The true adventures of veterinarian James Herriot in England's Yorkshire Dales in the 1930s and 1940s are family-friendly and a real treat.  It's just a shame that the original actress that played Helen, the lovely Carol Drinkwater, left the show after three seasons. Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

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The 2005 adaptation of Charles Dickens' Bleak House is a wonderful BBC miniseries!  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.  Features Big Daddy Lannister and Wedge Antilles from Star Wars!***************************************************************************

Island At War is a British miniseries about the German occupation of the Channel Islands during World War II.  A great dramatization of a difficult time for the Englishmen of Guernsey and Jersey.  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.
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Another fantastic adaptation of Dickens by the BBC.  I highly recommend this 2008 version of Little Dorrit. Not currently available on Netflix.
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Albert Finney and Vanessa Redgrave dazzle as Winston and Clementine Churchill in The Gathering Storm.  Available on Netflix Disc.
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Anthony Kitchen is absolutely perfect as Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle in Foyle's War.  A great view into life in England during and just after World War II.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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The Up Series (7 Up, 14 Up, 21 Up...all the way to 56 Up) follows a group of British children from age 7 to age 56 through a series of documentaries that started in 1964.  What a fascinating study of the lives of these human beings.  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

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Behold the greatest detective in medieval England...Brother Cadfael of Shrewsbury.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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Long Way Round chronicles the real-life adventure of Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman to travel round the world on BMW motorcycles.  Watch it, you'll love it!  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

John Kerry...The Belle of the Ball

"It’s the buzz from Boston to the Beltway: What the heck is going on with Secretary of State John Kerry’s face???  The former senator’s usually craggy puss is now smooth, puffy and showing no sign of the laugh lines, crow’s feet or deep forehead creases that were evident in his 2004 official Senate portrait."  

-- Boston Herald, September 20th, 2013

ALL the international diplomacy fashion blogs were abuzz about it.  It was on the tip of the tongue of every diplomat, fashionista, and designer in and around Foggy Bottom.  Vladmir Putin blogged about it.  Bashir Assad wondered about it in cabinet meetings.  David Cameron and Francois Hollande gossiped about it ENDLESSLY.

 

The topic of conversation?

Was John Kerry pretty enough to bring about world peace?

Sure, his friends always reminded him how beautiful he looked in an ascot, or wearing a collared shirt with a few buttons tastefully undone.  But a Secretary of State can grow jaded about these kind of compliments.  I mean, it's one thing to have your friends say this kind of thing, but it's another to have a European foreign minister undress you with her eyes in front of everyone at the Palace of Versailles.

The problem is that everyone in the diplomatic community over-glamorizes physical beauty.  Yitzhak Rabin and Yasser Arafat received endless fan mail from teenage girls after the Oslo Accords.  Neville Chamberlain couldn't get Tiger Beat to leave him alone after his peace agreement with Hitler.  Screaming Parisian girls constantly disrupted the Paris Peace Accords whenever Henry Kissinger would appear outside for a smoke break.  Warren Christopher received so many marriage proposals after the Dayton Accords that he shaved his head and refused to appear in public without a disguise for six months.

Despite all the compliments about his soft skin...Despite the comparison of his eyes to the color of a patrician's private lake...Deep inside, John Kerry didn't really believe he was beautiful.  Many wonder if his diplomatic skills would have completely collapsed if Simon Cowell and Bruce Jenner hadn't taken him aside and shown him that there was another way...a shortcut to beauty, and therefore, diplomatic excellence.

The procedure didn't take long.  But the effects were lasting.  America's status in the world has skyrocketed.  John Kerry has been hailed as perhaps the prettiest Secretary of State since George Schultz.

Dreams really do come true.

To The Moon, To Mars, or To Nowhere?

This Blargh Post contains a link to some more information on the state of NASA.  I found this article incredibly dispiriting, but hope that policymakers change course in the next few years...  

Adrift - From the Houston Chronicle

To Infinity and Beyond

45 years and two days ago, approximately six years before I was born, America launched a Saturn 5 rocket towards the moon.  This rocket contained three human beings: Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins.  Over the next 3.5 years there would be five more successful Apollo program moon landings.  Then it all stopped.  In the last 42 years, no men have walked on the moon.  And there is little chance anyone will walk on it anytime soon.

NASA's Constellation program was intended to be the next leap to the moon.  But President Obama cancelled it.  If only NASA were as important as the "Obamaphone" program.  Perhaps you can tell that I am bitter.  I find it shameful that our federal government continues to spend money on programs best left to states, localities, or private enterprise, instead of funding programs uniquely suited to the federal government's abilities.

Dams, interstate highway systems, and a space program are the sort of federal program I can get behind.  I believe in the idea of human progress and I don't think it lies in increasing the dependency of our citizens on a government check.

Also, if you think the moon landings were a hoax, I hope Buzz Aldrin punches you in the face.

To The Stars Through Westeros

Thanks to the Reddit user boo-yay, we now have a Westeros-esque sigil for every state of the union.  House Kansas, as you can see above, utilizes our state motto, "Ad Astra Per Aspera".  The unicorn is, of course, a reflection of the widespread worship of Ehlonna in most parts of eastern Kansas.  Here are some more Kansas/Game of Thrones metaphors:





Johnson County = Casterly Rock:  Rich?  Check.  Perceived as arrogant?  Check.  Sisters and brothers sleeping together?  Nope, that's Missouri.



BTK = Ramsay Bolton: Do they both like to torture?  Um, yeah, that's the "T" in BTK.  Were they both in law enforcement?  Sure, Bolton Jr. was given enforcement tasks by dear ol' dad.






KU College Republicans = Brotherhood Without Banners:  They fight the good fight surrounded by a host of enemies...they are few and the odds are bad.  They sometimes return from the dead?  Yes, actually, I saw it happen in 1993.




The City of Topeka = Hodor:  Both incapable of rational thought, difficult to understand, and frumpy.  Biggest Difference:  Hodor is well-intentioned.



Kansas Cowboys = Wildlings/Free Folk:  Keeping it real beyond the civilized parts...keeping it real beyond the Wall.



Wilt Chamberlain = Gregor Clegane: The Mountain That Rebounds vs. The Mountain That Rides

Roy Scheider, BAMF

Tonight, I had the good fortune to be invited to a screening of William Friedkin's 1977 thriller, Sorcerer.  Friedkin is most famous for having directed The Exorcist and the Oscar-winning The French Connection, both of which belong in the pantheon of great films.  After the closing credits, the organizer of the screening arranged to have Friedkin participate in a Q&A session with us via Skype.  He quipped that Sorcerer star Roy Scheider became more difficult to work with after his great success in Jaws...which leads to this Blargh Post.

There are many overrated actors in Hollywood, but fewer underrated ones.  Scheider is one of the latter.  If you haven't seen The French Connection (Oscar-winner for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, etc.), you are missing out on many fine performances.  Scheider was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Buddy Russo, and he earned it.  He is very believable as a rough-and-tumble police detective, and expertly plays the "Robin" to Gene Hackman's "Batman".

Scheider as Amity Police Chief Martin Brody is the decent, middle-class average guy who provides the human center of the cast of Jaws.  With larger-than-life Robert Shaw as Quint, and Richard Dreyfuss as the rich biologist Matt Hooper, Scheider provides a character that the audience can relate to.  This cast was one of the best of the 1970s.

The undisputed star of Sorcerer, Scheider plays an Irish-American teamster who participates in a robbery gone wrong.  Forced to flee the country, he ends up in a hell-hole of a central American country.  Desperate to flee to a better hiding spot, he and several others in similar predicaments agree to transport by truck a decaying cache of dynamite through the jungle and mountains.  As you might expect, it is a precarious situation.  Scheider's sly humor always comes through in his characters, and this role is no exception.

After Marathon Man and All That Jazz (which resulted in a second Oscar nomination) Scheider never really had the opportunity to play many interesting roles.  The 1980s saw him work, but not in films of the same caliber.  The 1990s were even worse, with gigs in a number of straight-to-video flicks and a starring role in a less-than-impressive TV show featuring a talking dolphin:

Roy Scheider died of blood cancer in 2008.  I, for one, will always appreciate his talent.

Two Steps From Hell

A couple years ago I encountered one of the most bizarre types of dance known to humanity.  The Two-Step, or Texas Two-Step, is the preferred dance style for country music.  Personally, I encountered it at a local country bar (don't ask why I was there) and found it to be highly infuriating. I had no idea that I was going to encounter a dance style that stands in opposition to all reasonable definitions of rhythm and movement.

I don't mean to BRAG, but I'm a pretty good dancer.  By that, I mean that I have a good sense of rhythm and can move to a beat.  But don't worry, you don't need these skills to do the Two-Step.  In fact, you don't really need music.  Instead, you only need muscle-memory, memorization, a hatred of natural rhythm, and legs.

Two quick steps, two slow steps...in a circle...foreverrrrr.  Just don't go the wrong way...it will remind you of that wheel in the Turkish prison from the movie Midnight Express:

I tried the Two-Step that night, but found that it is so inimical to natural rhythm that I couldn't perform it properly.  I have never felt so unnatural on a dance floor in my life.  In order to better understand this strange custom, I watched a How-To video on YouTube.  The money quote by the instructors: "You need to Two-Step for about 5 miles before it starts to become ingrained in your muscle memory."  WHAT!?!?  In other words, this type of dancing is so far from the natural movement of the body, you must practice it endlessly to overcome any natural sense of rhythm you might have.  This is fine for people with no rhythm, but what about those of us who are able to dance?  My body needs to move...it calls out to gyrate...it yearns to GROOVE.

Should it be banned?  Probably.  No, definitely.  In some countries, political prisoners are forced to Two-Step as punishment for various crimes.  Here's footage:

But what would replace the Two-Step?  I enjoy a lot of roots country music, and you've got to dance to it somehow.  You can't blame country music for the Two-Step, but there aren't a lot of other dance style alternatives. In the meantime, the key to dancing to the Two-Step, when you must, is to first suppress all internal rhythm.  Ignore the music, it won't help.  Memorize your steps, go counter-clockwise and ride it out as long as you can.  The song will eventually end.

I hereby call on someone to please create a better form of dance for this type of music. Perhaps a style that can utilize natural rhythm would be best.  Sorry, non-rhythmic white people, this outrage must come to an end.  The hardest part of a revolution is taking the first step...and avoiding the 2nd.

The Bastards of Fantasy...

Today, my battle-scarred companions and I begin our journey.  The road is hard and the obstacles are many.  There will be heartache and tears...and triumph.  When it all comes to an end, the victors will shout to the stars and the losers will crawl back into their holes.

I speak of fantasy football.

The road to the draft begins today.  The League of Gentlemen Bastards begins its yearly campaign of smack talk, bad draft choices, untimely injuries, and waiver-wire heroics.  When I clicked "Renew League" today on Yahoo, an electrified shiver pulsed through my body.  I could hear the faint echo of old battle cries..."Flacco in the 4th!"..."No girls in our fantasy league!"..."This never would have happened if we had fractional points!"..."return yard points are of the devil!"...

The Gentlemen Bastards do not brook failure...we do not tolerate those who forget to set their lineups...we exude fantasy football excellence through our very pores.  Mostly.  We give no quarter to the weak or the crippled...there is no code of chivalry for our lone Lady Bastard.  She accepts no sympathy or special treatment and gives none in return.  The jibes and jabs are thrown her way just as cavalierly as they would be towards any other Bastard.  Why, someone even questioned her child-bearing hips last season.  Mercy is for the weak.

We Bastards laugh at your lineup...we chuckle at your draft day failures...we mock your trade proposals.  We know more about Knowshon Moreno's skill set than Mrs. Knowshon Moreno (or his 3 mistresses in Vail, NYC, and Santa Fe, NM).  Our knowledge base is roughly as deep as the Marianas Trench, or as thick as Eric Decker's...little black book.

You want to join?  [chuckles]  GET IN LINE.  Our rites of passage rival that of the Army of Sparta.  WE...ARE...BASTARDS!

Our entrance exam takes longer than the MCAT.  Our secrecy rivals that of the Mossad.  Our rituals are discussed in hushed tones from the Kremlin to Langley, VA.  Ancient texts refer vaguely to our superstitions.  We will not be mocked.  We can not be imitated.  Our virtues are worshipped.  Our vices are feared.  And now we return for another season.

It has begun.

False Blood: Why I Quit on Sookie Stackhouse

  True Blood has been my guilty pleasure these past few years.  If you read my blargh posts, you'll know that I focus on the acting performances and an engaging story when I look for a good film or TV show.  But I need both...or else it just doesn't move me.  Sometimes I'll be drawn to a show because of the plot/subject matter, but eventually turn away if the performances are subpar.  I often find this to be the case with network television or stuff on the SyFy Channel, specifically Warehouse 13 and Eureka.

The problem with True Blood is different.  The cast is outstanding.  In particular, Anna Paquin (Sookie Stackhouse), Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman), and Ryan Kwanten (Jason Stackhouse) consistently deliver.  No, True Blood doesn't have an acting problem.  It has a politics problem.

Let's be honest, the politics of the people who develop and produce television shows is pretty much uniform.  Most of the time it doesn't matter, and when it does rear its leftist head, it is often easy to ignore.  However, I find that I can no longer ignore it in True Blood.  It's not so much the actual politics, but the ham-handed way a particular, highly overdone theme has been used so clumsily in True Blood.

Tell me if you've heard this trope before:  fundamentalist right-wing Christians are intolerant of anyone who is different and use Gestapo tactics to stop those immoral people that oppose them.  They constantly judge everyone and are particularly prudish about anything having to do with sex.  Plus, they are racists.  This describes the vast majority of the population of Bon Temps, Louisiana on True Blood.  The show's writers have been beating us over the head with this for years now...

1. Normal humans hate vampires because they are different.
2. A human televangelist starts a group called "Fellowship of the Sun" that attempts to turn people against vampires.
3. The intolerant Fellowship of the Sun turns violent and starts killing vampires.
4. The state of Louisiana imprisons vampires in camps and experiments on them...because they are different.

At its core, the show is an allegory about gay rights, which is fine, but it has become so cartoonish that I can no longer stand it (no matter how hot Lillith the vampire goddess is).  Yes, we understand that vampires are a minority that shouldn't be mistreated.  But great fantasy and science-fiction is great because it depicts human beings as they really are, not as caricatures.  If your Iraqi war veteran inevitably participated in war crimes and has PTSD, and every religious character (except for some black ones) hates, hates, hates...then MAYBE you need to reevaluate how you portray the people that you can't identify with.  A little tolerance might be in order.

The Bridge to a True Detective

The rise of television as an equal peer to film has been the big story of the past several years in the entertainment industry.  Shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, and Mad Men have taken television to a whole new level.  The detective drama subgenre has also benefited from this trend.  In fact, it has produced the best television show of 2014.

True Detective stars Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey as detectives with the Louisiana State Police investigating a serial killer who turns out to be connected with a group of men involved in child sex and ritual child murder.  Needless to say, this is not a subject for the easily disturbed.  I was so riveted during each episode that I found myself literally on the edge of my seat while watching the show.  The performances of the main actors and the supporting cast were so fantastic that I will never again look at those actors in the same way.  The wonderful Glenn Fleshler plays the bayou degenerate so well that I can't believe he won't be hitting it big very soon.  Then there's the haunting theme song:

I can only describe True Detective as hypnotic television...it draws you in and won't let go. 

Down the channel dial, on FX, you can find The Bridge, a show I just recently discovered.  Diane Kruger and Demian Bechir star, respectively, as El Paso and Chihuahua detectives brought together by a dead body found on the bridge between the two communities.  Kruger's character, Sonya Cross, is a detective with Asperger Syndrome, and is considered by her colleagues to be a bit weird due to her difficulty negotiating the emotional complexities of human interaction.  The outstanding (and Oscar-nominated) Bechir plays Mexican detective Marco Ruiz, an honest (except when it comes to his romantic relationships) policeman who has to negotiate the complex politics of a city run by drug cartels.

The political and social commentary in the show is often fascinating; a city split by a national border, with remarkably different experiences on each side.  However, what drives this show are the performances.  In particular, Tom Wright as Steven Linder, the oddball loner who travels to Juarez for reasons that are at first unclear, and Ted Levine (whom you might recognize), as Lt. Hank Wade, Cross' boss and the only human being she is close to.  

[Wright and Levine pictured below]

The first season is exclusively on Hulu Plus, which I didn't have.  However, they are currently offering a free 7-day trial, which I used to binge watch the entire first season (sorry, not sorry).  Season 2 premieres this Wednesday (July 9th) on FX.

Flags No Longer (and soon-to-be) Waved

On this occasion of the anniversary of American independence from what is my personal favorite of all colonial powers, it might be a good time for the remembrance of some nations that haven't happened yet, are no more, or probably should never have been.



Kurdistan has never been...but probably will be soon.  The Kurds are the largest nation in the world without a nation-state.  Split between Turkey, Syria, Iran, and Iraq, the Kurdish people have been gassed, imprisoned, tortured and generally crapped on for a very long time.  But their time is about to come.



In 1965 Rhodesia declared independence from the British.  The circumstances of their independence would turn out to be highly controversial.  The 223,000 white Rhodesians, wary of the chaos that had accompanied majority rule in other former colonies all around them, kept power for themselves.  Of course, this left the almost 3 million black Rhodesians without any political power.  A long guerrilla war eventually led to an political settlement giving blacks the right to vote.  Thus ended Rhodesia...and Zimbabwe was born.  It has been led by the disgusting Robert Mugabe ever since.  And now, it is an enormous pit of despair.  The white farmers have been systematically dispossessed of their land, murdered, or forced out.  The land has been given to blacks loyal to Mugabe, most of whom having no farming experience.  Thus, it has gone from the breadbasket of Africa to millions of its citizens facing starvation.



For a unique look at the Rhodesian/Zimbabwean experience I recommend several books:  Journalist Peter Godwin's Zimbabwe/Rhodesia books, Mukiwa: A White Boy in Africa and When A Crocodile Eats the Sun; and Alexandra Fuller's Don't Let's Go To The Dogs Tonight and Scribbling the Cat.



Poor Czechoslovakia...even the coolest president in the world, Vaclav Havel, couldn't keep it together.  "Chikety-Czech! Slovakia was just slowing us down!"  At least, that's what my t-shirt says.  The Czechs had always been a little richer and a little less religious...and they always had Prague.  But mostly the split was about national identity going back a very long ways.  Despite sharing a language they went their separate ways in 1993.



A: "One ticket to Zaire, please."
B: "Sorry, sir, Zaire no longer exists."
A: "Well, is Kinshasa still the capital?"
B: "Not of Zaire."
A: "Wait a sec, I forgot that it's now called The Congo!  Ok, one ticket to The Congo please."
B: "Republic or Democratic Republic?"
A: "I don't know what kind of government they have!"
B: "Sir, there are two different Congos."
A: "Which one was Zaire?"
B: "The one that Kinshasa is in...it's called the Democratic Republic of the Congo."
A: "Oh.  What's difference?"
B: "The Republic was a colony of France and its capital is Brazzaville.  The Democratic Republic was called the Belgian Congo, and at one time was a wholly owned subsidiary of King Leopold II.  It's where the Rumble in the Jungle took place."
A: "Never mind, just sell me a ticket to Rhodesia.
B: [sigh]

Red's Dead, Baby...Red's Dead

It has become fashionable of late for people to pine for the days of the Cold War.  I am not the first to notice this phenomenon.  The anarchy of the post-Cold War world, with its lack of uniforms and greater difficulty in determining the motives of non-state actors, is naturally going to produce a longing for times when it was easier (unless you were one of the New Left critics like Sen. Chris Dodd or John Kerry) to determine who the bad guys were.  The historical distance from the collapse of communism in Europe (almost 25 years now) has enabled people to look upon those days with a certain kind of whimsy.



I am not one to pooh-pooh humor of any sort.  As long as it's a good joke, pretty much any subject is fair game.  However, lest we forget, communism killed about 100 million people in the 20th century.  But because it killed them in pursuit of the oh-so-noble goal of equality for all mankind, we are supposed to temper our outrage in ways that no one would ever do in regard to the other great killer of the 20th century, Nazism.

I just finished reading Iron Curtain: The Crushing of Eastern Europe by Anne Applebaum, who previously won the Pulitzer Prize for Gulag, her history of the enormous Soviet system of concentration camps.  Check out Gulag's 1-star review entitled "Neo Con Propaganda" for evidence that Soviet communism still has its defenders.  I highly recommend Iron Curtain for a view of the sickening ways the people of East Germany, Poland, and Hungary were oppressed immediately after they had just been traumatized by World War II.  For a wider, international view of the dark record of communism, read The Black Book of Communism, a joint project of French, Polish, and Czech historians.

One of the most fascinating revelations of both these texts is the consistency of the communist techniques, regardless of what part of the world they called home.  In order to achieve power, they would first form alliances, or "Popular Fronts", with Left and Center-Left parties to gain power and eliminate the threat from the Right.  Next, purge the government of the non-communist Left through violence and intimidation.  Once in power, they would systemically imprison and/or execute various classes of people, at various times, usually starting with the aristocracy and other elites and work their way through society.  A final step is the legacy of Stalin:  the purging of the Communist Party itself.  Often, it was a never-ending purge.

Communism was a real ideology that REALLY wanted to conquer the world and actively tried to do so.  For much of the Cold War, it seemed like the better bet to win in the contest with the western democracies.  The former communists who fought against it, and they were legion, often felt they had left the winning side.  And then it all collapsed in 1989.  We should all be grateful for that.

Three novels to help you better understand life under communism:

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitszyn
Darkness At Noon by Arthur Koestler
The Captive Mind by Czeslaw Milosz

The Supreme Court, Birth Control, and Life Control

Actually, I don't care about birth control.  Feel free to use an IUD while reading this...or not.

Today, the Supreme Court gave us the absurd spectacle of our enormous, complex, and inefficient federal government deciding the precise composition of your health plan.  Did you think you would get a choice in deciding the composition of your health plan?  Silly you.  No, actually, you are not able to make that choice.  The federal government will decide which procedures your health insurance plan must or must not include.  It's best that they make that choice for you.  You see, it's much more efficient for the federal government to tell the insurance company what to do...who then tells your doctor what to do.  So elegant and simple!

Today's ruling is a lovely reminder that our government is getting all up in your health care.  The multiple health insurance bureaucracies that we have enjoyed for so many years are now to be coupled with a government bureaucracy.  Surely this will lead to cost-savings...SURELY!  There's nothing better than the melding of one bad system onto another bad system.  Two negatives equals a positive...am I right, math teachers?!?

Imagine, instead, a system where you directly paid a doctor for routine medical care, WITHOUT the involvement of an insurance company.  Then, if something went really badly, you would use your health insurance to pay for that (this is the definition of insurance, before it came to mean "paying for everything").  We have built a system that has an enormous number of people involved in your health care.  Far too many people.  And each of those people take a cut...and we wonder why health care is so expensive.

And guess what, if the insurance industry and government were removed from the equation, your birth control would be a lot cheaper.

Dream Job

Helping people figure out what book comes next...

Ballad of the Shirtless Croatian Warrior

"The AP reports brawls between Croatian and Mexican soccer fans at the World Cup yesterday..."
"Several sources report ethnic cleansing of Mexican section."



Ballad of the Shirtless Croatian Warrior
by Ivano Petrovic
[in broken English with Croatian accent] in 2 stanzas

My name Ivano.
Came to Brazil to watch Croatian football team.
On way to game, got lost in favela...
Bad news for favela. Good news for funeral business.
Not easy to choke man to death in favela AND smoke cigarette.
But doable.

Football game no good.
Mexicans chant "puto" at us Croatian fans.
Don't know if this is insult...
...but beat three men to death with program just in case.
Not easy to beat man to death with program AND smoke cigarette.
But doable.
Worst day at World Cup like best day in Balkan War.

The 9 Best-Selling Books You REALLY Misunderstood

Capital by Thomas Piketty - This anti-grammar screed by Los Angeles 4th grader Thomas "tommy" Piketty rails against his teacher's attempts to get him to capitalize letters even though "lower-case is a lot cooler."

Killing Jesus by Bill O'Reilly - This shocking book-length confession details O'Reilly's participation in the death of his long-time gardener.




Insurgent by Veronica Roth - A memoir by former female Jihadi Veronica al-Hamza that details her journey from Iraqi terrorist to wife of celebrity novelist Philip Roth.



Looking for Alaska by John Green - This acclaimed memoir details Green's lifelong struggle with the little understood, and extraordinarily rare, Geographic Illiteracy Syndrome. Readers will get a birds-eye view of his doctors' race to find a cure.



Duty: Memoirs of a Secretary at War by Robert Gates - This catty tell-all by Bill Gates' older brother, and personal secretary, reveals the secrets behind the battles between corporate office-staff at Microsoft in the heady dot.com boom times of the late 1990s



The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion - A look back at the 2009 effort by President Obama to create a better health care system.



Hard Choices by Hillary Clinton - A shocking piece of erotica by the former First Lady...it details one woman's struggle to decide between two virile lovers.



Orange Is The New Black by Piper Kerman - This book details the rise of the Wichita Wings in the 1980s.

And finally...

The Fault in Our Lars by James Hetfield - This tell-all memoir details the trials and tribulations of Metallica's lead singer...and his long-standing feud with drummer Lars Ulrich.