I live just west of Eastborough, or as I like to call it, "Westborough" (don't worry, no Phelps family gatherings in this Westborough!) I can't really imagine living anywhere else in Wichita. I'm right near several highways, so I can get just about anywhere quickly. I'm north of Kellogg, so I don't have to live with shame and embarrassment, and I'm south of Central, so drive-by shootings aren't a problem.
At this point in this blog post, you've probably noticed how snotty I'm being about my neighborhood. Welcome to Wichita! It's what we do here. No self-respecting Wichitan can go for long without denigrating the other parts of the city where the rest of the unfortunates live. This is particularly true of the Great Eastside-Westside Debate (GEWD). It's said that the west side has an inferiority complex. This makes sense, since they have much to feel inferior about. For years, GEWD has been the number one talking point for your average citizen of Doo-Dah (one of several self-inflicted nicknames for our lovely burgh).
Growing up, I was vaguely aware that left of downtown there was another city, one much more unsavory than our own. I knew that in the wilds of west Wichita you could find all kinds of strange and exotic creatures. Besides that, you could also go to the zoo! Of course, I was raised to care for the less fortunate, so we would always participate in the sponsorship of west-siders. I still remember the fundraising letters: "For only $1 a day, you could help bring culture to the rubes..."
Ever since they got their first restaurant back in the late 1990s, the west side began to have illusions of grandeur. Children were taught book-learnin', roads were paved, and for the first time, we took down the barricades and let them come visit the east side. Packs of mangy children ravaged Towne East Mall for a time. But once law and order were restored, we were able to introduce simple cultural advances to the west side: shirts with sleeves, silverware, and car tires. Previously, the automobile had been thought of as some sort of lawn decoration, forever suspended on square blocks.
Nowadays, a west-sider is almost like a regular person. The English language has caught on to the extent that most west-side children can no longer understand basic Delano. The grunts and whistles of their ancestors are just strange sounds to them. On any given day, the distinctive west-side accent can be heard from Bradley Fair to Beech Aircraft. Sure, there are those who don't approve of the guest-worker program. But if we don't let them come over here legally, they'll just swim across the Arkansas River and work illegally in western-wear stores and bait shops. No, it's better to have an orderly process.
I'm just glad we can all be rational about this. ;-)
Tribal governance, as a political structure, has disappeared in the Western world and much of Asia. To some extent, it lives on in the Middle East and Africa. You can see its effect on the political structure of a country like Iraq right now. However, even though it may underlay some countries' official political structures, it is no longer the principal organizing factor of government. Much of this is due to the conquest and/or destruction of tribally-governed societies by nation-states or empires.
But tribalism lives in our modern world in other forms. Human beings yearn to group together amongst their own "kind". Not much has changed about this in the last few thousand years. In our society, we can see this in the lives we live every day. Ask yourself, what tribe do you belong to? Are you part of the Urban Progressive Tribe? Do you drive a Prius, consume organic foods, listen to NPR, watch Cosmos, enjoy watching soccer, and use an iPhone? If you answered "yes" to half of those questions, perhaps you are indeed. The same can be said for people who drive SUVs, eat a lot of red meat, watch Fox News, play fantasy football, and use an Android phone. There are many tribes in our modern society: Redneck, Hip-Hop, Libertarian, Evangelical Christian, etc.
Each of these tribes has a self-identity that is vital to how the members perceive themselves. Some tribes fashion themselves as intellectual, others as anti-intellectual. Some are centrally organized around religion, while others around leisure activities. But each one has a mythology about itself. Rednecks see themselves as close to nature, while Urban Progressives believes themselves to be intellectually superior to others. Each uses clothing, activities, consumer products, and language to gives cues to others that say, "hey, I'm in the ______ tribe."
The internet and social-networking have been excellent tools to help people conform to the norms of the tribe. If you look at Facebook, you will quickly learn exactly what to do and say in order to best fit into your tribe. Here's the problem: Tribes make you stupid. They make you think less. They subtly and quietly remove your need to think independently about what is right and wrong. That's why they are so popular: They make your life easier.
Do yourself a favor. Be aware of your tribe. Try to catch yourself before you react to a political issue. Think about how much of your reaction is based on your tribe. Try to think about that subject objectively. It isn't always easy. Tribalism acts subtly to make this difficult. The easiest way to keep yourself from becoming too tribal is to sample the ideas and opinions of other tribes. Delve into their universes...see how they think. Was your last Facebook post intended to impress other members of your tribe? Was it a way for you to let outsiders know what tribe you belong to? Think more deeply about your interaction with the world. It will make you a better human being and more likely to react logically to the world.
Any human being can be a slave to their tribe. Think outside the tribe...you might find it refreshing.
Bizarro World Cup Results (based on 2-on-2 games between past or present NBA players born in each country, with results converted to soccer scores)
Brazil vs. Croatia
The outside shooting of Drazen Petrovic and Toni Kukoc is too much for Nene Hilario and Leandro Barbosa. Poor free-throw shooting by Hilario results in a narrow Croatian victory. Croatia 3 Brazil 2 Advantage: Croatia Uruguay vs. Costa Rica
Uruguay's Esteban Batista spends 45 minutes on layup drills by himself. Costa Ricans appeal to FIFA on grounds of unfairness. Appeal denied. Costa Ricans appeal to FIFA with $10,000. Appeal granted. Costa Rica 0 Uruguay 0 Advantage: FIFA Mexico vs. Cameroon Eduardo Najera plays with the characteristic grit Big 12 fans remember. Unfortunately, with little support from Gustavo Ayon, Mexico just isn't quick enough to defend against the slashing drives of Luc Mbah a Moute. Ayon and Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje cancel each other out. Cameroon 1 Mexico 0 Advantage: Cameroon
Colombia vs. Greece
Giannis Antetokounmpo practices dunking over the Colombian National Basketball team members. After a blowout, Colombian cartels collectively put a contract out on entire Colombian team. Greece 15 Colombia 0 Advantage: Greece (and cartels) Spain vs. Netherlands
Despite a valiant effort from Rik "The Flying Dutchman" Smits, Netherlands is outmatched by the inside-outside combo of Pau Gasol and Ricky Rubio. Swen Nater is simply outmatched. No outside game for the Netherlands results in: Spain 3 Netherlands 0 Advantage: Spain
Chile vs. Australia
Matthew Dellavedova and Andrew Bogut show up to play...Chile forfeits. Australia N/A Chile N/A Advantage: Australia by Forfeit
England vs. Italy
The versatility of Danilo Gallinari and size of Andrea Bargnani is too much for the outmatched England team. England refuses to allow Ben Gordon and James Donaldson to play, as they spent very little time in England after their birth. Tabloids dub them "Yanks and Wankers". Last minute substitutes Joel Freeland of the Portland Trailblazers and Kelenna "Big Time Buike" Azubuike are quickly defeated. Italy 5 England 1 Advantage: Italy
Ivory Coast vs. Japan
The combined total field goals made by players from these two countries in the history of the NBA = 1 Japan 1 Ivory Coast 0 Advantage: Yuta Tabuse (parade in Japan forthcoming)
Argentina vs. Bosnia
Luis Scola dominates the paint while Manu Ginobli makes miraculous 3-pointers in a thrashing of Sasha Danilovic and Vladimir Radmanovic. Serbia celebrates Bosnia's loss. Argentina 4 Bosnia 1 Advantage: Argentina
US vs. ^^^
Magic and Bird play and defeat each nation over a 12-hour period, with no breaks in between games. Bird shoots left-handed for the first 3 hours. Magic records a quintuple-double against Italy. At the end of the final game, a light shines down from heaven and Bird and Magic slowly ascend to the cheers of the crowd. Several constellations appear in the night sky commemorating the new gods. US Infinity World Subservience Advantage: 'Merica
Tim: "I wanted to talk to you about something."
Cute Girl: "Sure, is everything okay?"
Tim: "Absolutely." [frightened look]
Cute Girl: "Are you sure? This doesn't sound good."
Tim: "Well, it's something that I think I ought to tell you about...I mean, I really like you, I enjoy all this time we've been spending together, and I think things between us could really lead somewhere. You deserve to know..."
Cute Girl: "Were you in prison?"
Tim: "No, I've always been a law-abiding citizen...actually I..."
Cute Girl: "You don't have herpes do you?"
Tim: "No, I'm disease-free. It's actually about..."
Cute Girl: "Oh my God, you're married, aren't you..."
Tim: "Definitely not. It has to do with..."
Cute Girl: "Holy crap, you're into some crazy S&M stuff I bet! That explains the whips!"
Tim: "I already explained to you that I sponsor the Greater Wichita Whip Cracking Team."
Cute Girl: "Oh, I forgot about that. So...what's the big deal you wanted to tell me about?!?! You haven't been to prison, you don't have some terrible disease, what is it you are so ashamed to tell me about?"
Tim: "It's...well...I play Dungeons & Dragons.
Cute Girl: [long silence]..."Do you, like, run around the park with swords and stuff?"
Tim: [deep sigh] "No, it's really quite fun actually. You see, we sit around this table and..."
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It's important for you to know that many of us are really quite normal. We just have a hobby that much of regular society considers VERY nerdy. In fact, almost the nerdiest thing possible. The only thing nerdier than Dungeons & Dragons (or, D&D as we call it) is something called LARPing (Live Action Role Playing). Those would be the people that act out their medieval fantasies in their neighborhood park. If you've seen the movie Role Models, you'll know what I'm talking about:
That is not what we do. What we do is...well, it's kind of hard to explain. You see, we create people out of thin air. We use dice to determine their abilities, i.e. their strength, dexterity, constitution, charisma...and finally intelligence and wisdom (two different things, I assure you!) We roll dice for their height, weight, and age; though usually these "characters" start out as adults somewhere around 18-21 years old. Once we figure out what these characters are good at, we can decide their "class", i.e. their job. If they have great strength, maybe they'll be a fighter. High dexterity often leads to the creation of a thief. Super intelligent characters make excellent wizards.
Then what do you do? Well, someone has to figure out what these characters are going to do. That person is the Dungeon Master, or DM. Nowadays, a lot of the young whippersnappers use the term Game Master, or GM. But, I prefer to embrace the even nerdier term. I'm a Dungeon Master. There, I said it. I'm the guy that decides what these characters get up to. Ideally, a set of characters can last months or even years. The course of those adventures is called a "campaign". The characters in my campaign live in a pre-made world called Greyhawk. You wouldn't believe the intricacy of the maps and the vivid descriptions of the towns, monsters, and people that have been made about this world over the last 30 years (ah, when you are standing in the Cairn Hills, watching the sun set over the Nyr Dyv Sea, it's breathtaking). Because Greyhawk has so much depth to it, you can place the characters into this world and be confident there are plenty of interesting places to see, and, of course, monsters to slay.
I usually make these adventures on my own, although you can also buy pre-made adventures called "modules". I prefer to come up with a grand plan for my players and then, over the course of months, we follow that plot where it leads us. Scratch that. More often, we follow where the players actions take us. I never know what the characters will decide to do. Sometimes, they do very foolish things...and we run with it. A good DM knows how to lead them back to the story arc, and I will eventually guide them back there, unless they get themselves killed.
What happens when these characters run into a goblin or two? Well, we've got rules for that. Lots of rules. Hit points, Armor Class, THAC0, Savings Throws, Initiative, and lots of dice rolling...especially 20-sided die. Needless to say, a lot of this is complicated. The good news is the players don't really need to know much...as long as their DM knows the rules, it works pretty well. And it sure helps to have a Dungeon Masters Guide and Player's Handbook...the two bibles that help me figure out whether that Red Dragon can gain "surprise" against my players, who gets to attack first, and how much damage occurs. And don't even get me started on the different sets of rules for each edition (I'm a 2nd edition man, myself).
There are six of us in our group, all pretty accomplished, well-adjusted, cool people. No zeroes, misfits, sociopaths, or extreme loners in the bunch. There's even one pretty girl in the group. Though, in full-disclosure, the guy/girl ratio in D&D is usually pretty skewed to the y-chromosome. So, why do we choose to spend hours doing all this? Because it's a lot of fun...and friggin' hilarious.
Hilarious? Slaying dragons? How so? Well, actually, you don't run into dragons much, and they are very hard to kill, but that's neither here nor there. Let me explain how comedy happens...The players make up the personalities of their created character. If you play with clever people, as I do, then this leads to great hilarity. As in, the arrogant cavalier (a type of knight) who looked down on everyone, and would speak through his helmet in a haughty tone of voice. The player would create this effect by speaking into a plastic cup. He decided to name his character's charger (a type of horse) Antonio Gates (you NFL fans will appreciate the joke) and insisted on bringing the horse everywhere, including an underground dungeon. This eventually led to a comical scene of the horse being hoisted out with ropes.
Players will come up with all kinds of odd personality traits for the characters. There was the fighter who loved bacon and was freaked out by halflings and their hairy feet (think Frodo)...the eager-to-please priest that addressed everyone as "m'lord"...the lothario who bedded every reasonably attractive female he ran into, inevitably causing problems for the party...the alcoholic who specialized in poor decision-making...and the creepy wizard who was always collecting body parts. As DM, I throw in Non-Player Characters (NPCs) to interact with the player characters. My personal favorite recurring NPC is the over-the-top effeminate sphinx named Ron, who, when not speaking in riddles and granting wishes, works as a doorman at a bar.
Much of the fun that we have is dependent on the players coming up with ingenious schemes to get what they want. My favorite scheme was the time the group got their hands on a magical box that would fold out into a 24-foot boat when a special command word was spoken. While scouting out the enemy, one of the players was flying overhead (the Wings of Flying came in handy that night) and decided to say the command word as he dropped the box on top of our hapless foes. I set the scene by describing the bad guys as chatting with each other when an oar falls in front of them. One of the guys says, "Hey, where'd that come from..." In unison, they looked up...Squish.
The truth is, there are few things I enjoy as much as D&D. Much of the joy comes from the creation of another person, whom you inhabit and act through. But, even more than that, it's the fun we have as a group together. The social aspect of the game is the best part. Interacting with each other, we make the world come to life. It's like reading a book, or watching a movie...except you determine the plot. Perhaps, the next time I meet a girl I like, I'll tell her about my D&D habit right away.
What is your favorite novel? Quick, tell me the genre of fiction in which it belongs? Oh wait, I DON’T CARE. The reason I don’t care is because genre does not matter. It is irrelevant. It does not determine the value of the novel. It exists for two purposes:
1. To make it easier for consumers of fiction to find a book they might like.
2. To let esteemed book prize panels know which books they shouldn’t select for inclusion on the awards list, and literary critics know what not to review.
There has arisen over the last 50 years a category of novel called literary fiction. This subgenre is so important that I even put in italics! It is among this category that book prizes are usually awarded. You will find many holders of MFA’s in Creative Writing amongst the winners...and many residents of New York City and London. You will also find many overrated and mediocre novels...and many wonderful novels that will expand your world.
The Man Booker prize is supposed to be the most distinguished book award for writers from Great Britain or the British Commonwealth (it was expanded to all writers in English in 2013). It also contains two novels that I couldn’t finish. The Old Devils by Kingsley Amis seemed a good bet. Amis’ Lucky Jim is one of the great comic novels of the last half of the 20th century. I loved it! Alas, no luck with The Old Devils. Perhaps a novel about the aged battles against our hidden prejudices. People want to read about the young...or at least middle-aged. A little bit of vigor helps I suppose.
Oh Hilary Mantel! I greatly enjoy English history...why couldn’t I stay awake for Wolf Hall? I felt ashamed by my lack of enthusiasm for this novel. I do teach history after all. All the right people said it was wonderful. Snoresville City.
Don’t give up on the Booker Prize yet, because lo and behold, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (he’s English, so it counts) is a superb novel. Full of life, and fascinating characters, it won me over after only a few pages. What’s my point here? That literary fiction isn’t necessarily any better than any other kind of fiction. You can find wonderful novels and lackluster ones anywhere.
To breathe life into a character...to bring words to life...to entrance a reader with a story...skill with language...these things are not exclusive to any genre. For me, the Black Company series, the First Law series, and a couple of George Pelecanos’ mystery/thrillers (Drama City and Hell to Pay) can do all these things just as well as some of the great literary fiction novels I’ve read. Is it a matter of taste? Am I simply not sophisticated enough? Perhaps. But, I choose to believe that great writing knows no boundaries. It is great. Or it is not.
It is always a good thing when a POW returns home. Regardless of the circumstances, the return of Bowe Bergdahl from the clutches of the Taliban should be met with relief and thankfulness. Though he was most likely a deserter and thus should be subject to military justice, it was important that the US military retrieve him. Even the most wayward soldier deserves to come home.
It is likely that his foolish and careless decision to leave camp and wander into the villages and wilds of Afghanistan indirectly led to the deaths of other American soldiers. However, it is important to remember that the direct responsibility for those deaths lies at the hands of those who pulled the trigger or planted the bombs; i.e. the Taliban. This does not mean Bergdahl is blameless, but it does mean that like many young men, he likely didn’t fully consider the consequences of his actions.
There has already been speculation about the degree of collaboration he had with the Taliban while in captivity. There is no conclusive evidence as to what Bergdahl did or did not say to his captors. But, it is important to remember that collaboration made under duress is a different animal than that given willingly and gleefully. The case of the American POWs in North Vietnam is instructive. Virtually all of them, including John McCain, signed “confessions” made under duress. These were, of course, intended solely as a tool of propaganda and were achieved through torture. Bergdahl certainly deserves the benefit of the doubt on this charge.
I have less compassion for the dishonorable and deceitful way this episode has been handled by the Obama administration. I hesitate to question the deal itself: Five Taliban leaders for one American soldier may not seem fair, but in a situation like this, it was the Taliban that held all the cards. No, the deal may be rotten, but it’s likely the best we could do. What bothers me specifically is the way it was dealt with by the Obama administration.
The White House Rose Garden ceremony stunk of the worst kind of PR stunt. An occasion that called for a quiet transfer of prisoners became a celebration of the Obama administration’s “great” achievement. Trotting out the long-suffering parents and letting the father bizarrely mouth a Muslim benediction to the microphones seemed to be an extremely poor decision. This was a deal not worth celebrating. His return home IS worth celebrating, but the deal itself was not some stroke of brilliance, it was simply the best we could get under the circumstances.
Surely the administration knows full well the circumstances of Bergdahl’s disappearance? Why would they attempt to sugarcoat it? Even worse, National Security Advisor Susan Rice credits Bergdahl as serving with “honor and distinction”, knowing that he, at best, abandoned, and, at worst, deserted his comrades. Then, Defense secretary Chuck Hagel said he was “unaware” of any deaths of soldiers who were looking for Bergdahl, contradicting the claim made my multiple American soldiers who served in Afghanistan. Additionally, Hagel’s claim that Bergdahl’s death was imminent has been disputed by the intelligence community. All the while, President Obama refuses to apologize for his decision.
Some pundits see the prisoner exchange as a cynical way to start emptying Guantanamo. If you start with execrable characters like the ones released in this deal (they were judged as being very likely to continue military activities upon their release), then it becomes easier to release the rest. I very much hope this was not the administration’s motivation.
The most disturbing part of this entire affair has been the administration’s attempt to turn this situation into some sort of political triumph. The president, his cabinet, and his other advisors have attempted to make a hero where none exists and have contorted themselves into impossible positions while doing so. But the worst effect of all this is likely to be Pres. Obama’s relationship with the military. The evidence, based on interviews with Bergdahl’s fellow soldiers, and the anecdotal reports by retired military members speaking with their active colleagues, has been that there is an overwhelmingly negative reaction amongst the military to the administration’s actions. They have foolishly given the appearance of siding with a deserter over active members of the military who stayed true to their oaths.
Sidenote: There has been talk of impeaching President Obama for breaking the law by not informing Congress of the Taliban release. While it is true he did break the law, the law itself is almost certainly unconstitutional. Article 2 of the Constitution gives the president power to conduct foreign policy, not the Congress.
Ridiculous Sidenote: This is how Chuck Norris deals with people who capture American soldiers...
