Sunday, June 22, 2014

My personal Call of Duty

I think it's about time I picked up where I left off.  I vaguely remember shooting people...I don't know what country they were from.  As I recall, we were being invaded.  Will my muscle memory activate?  I don't know.  I'm not sure I'll remember how to reload.  Strategy?  Try not to get killed I guess.

I last played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 in early 2009.  So it's been a good 5+ years, but I feel like now is the time to pick it up again.  I don't know if my PS3 will even remember I played it or just make me start over.  "Who are you, bro?  Do you even game?"  I can hear its mocking questions now...

My video game life started in 1982 or so with the ColecoVision that my parents bought for us.


Donkey Kong was my favorite, although I'm pretty sure we had Frogger as well, which I also enjoyed.  Qbert not so much.  My neighbor down the street had an Atari, and he would let me watch him play, which was THRILLING.  I might have gotten to play one game for every 100 of his.  Maybe.

I graduated to a Nintendo a few years later and made defeating Super Mario Brothers 2 my own personal vision quest.



Eventually I succeeded, but at great cost to my thumbs.  Tecmo Bowl was totally rad on Nintendo.  Lawrence Taylor and Walter Payton were both pretty awesome on that game, but Bo Jackson was completely unstoppable on one particular running play.



Mike Tyson's Punchout was memorable for many reasons, including my favorite opponents, Soda Popinski...
...and King Hippo.


I also have a soft spot in my heart for Duck Hunt and what at the time seemed to be an amazing technology that allowed the TV screen to register hits from the gun.  It was magic.

In college, during my senior year, my roommate Jud had a Sony Playstation, which was a huge leap in graphics from the Nintendo.  It was then that I played my favorite video game of all time:  Twisted Metal 2.


With a soothing and tasteful soundtrack provided by jazz legend Rob Zombie, this game occupied many, many hours of my final year in college.  In fact, I remember my fraternity brother Ken skipping one of his finals to play this game in my living room (as I recall, he had a guaranteed "D" even if he skipped it).

Eventually I would buy a PS2 and explore the many iterations of Call of Duty.  I sure do love to kill Nazis.  My PS3 has known only first-person shooter games, with COD:MW2 the most prominent.  Perhaps I will take up arms and defend America again soon.

Iraq n' Roll

There has been a great deal of commentary about Iraq these past few weeks.  This is thanks to the efforts of the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) to conquer as much of Iraq as possible.  Of course, the blame game has begun, which made me start thinking back to 2003.  I, like most Americans, believed an invasion of Iraq was necessary to dislodge Saddam Hussein from power.  I was joined in this view by Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and John Kerry, among others.  My own thoughts at the time were that the odious Hussein regime's treatment of its people was so awful, his history of violence against Iraq's neighbors, and support of terrorism so pervasive, and their WMD program so mysterious and undefined, that the best option was to remove Saddam from power.

I was offended by the idea that democracy couldn't work for Arabs.  I believed that once Saddam was removed, the people of Iraq, with the help of Americans, could institute a democratic transition that would eventually provide them with a functioning republic.  I didn't forsee the following:

1. Saddam's regime effectively destroyed any vestige of civil society through its cruel treatment of the people of Iraq.  All institutions of power were completely corrupted by the one iron rule of Iraq:  The only law is the word of Saddam.  This left no base to build upon after the fall of his regime.

2.  The cruelty of Saddam's regime towards the Shia meant that the first thing on the minds of many in that community was REVENGE.

3.  The incredible resilience of tribalism, and its triumph over the modern nation-state.  It was this tribalism that fed the insurgency against the Americans by the Sunni.  The Sunni tribes knew that the new Iraqi government would be dominated by the large Shiite majority, and the Americans were making that possible.  Sunni extremists were happy to provide the firepower.  Only when al-Qaeda began to overreach and undermine the Sunni tribes did the Anbar Awakening begin and the power of al-Qaeda whither away.

Like many people, the painful experience in Iraq led me toward a re-examining of what American foreign policy can achieve.  For me, that led to a more Realist perspective on foreign policy.  I had forgotten the always important Law of Unintended Consequences.  This states that it is always true that government policies will have unintended consequences and sometimes these will be worse than the original problem the policy was intended to fix.  The political Right should keep in mind this law applies both to domestic AND foreign policy.

What's happening in Iraq right now is a consequence of the current Shiite-dominated Iraqi regime's mistreatment of the Sunni minority.  They have shut them out of the halls of power, and the Sunni tribes have turned to ISIS to help them recover some of that power.  In that sense, it's nobody's fault but Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and his allies.  However, the domestic political considerations of President Obama led to a complete withdrawal of US troops from Iraq.  He promised he would do it, and he did.  A wiser choice would have been to leave 1,000 to 2,000 military advisers behind to help shore up the Iraqi security forces and act as a positive influence on both the Iraqi government and the relevant tribes.  The cost of this small force would have been militarily and economically insignificant and it might have helped prevent the power grab by al-Maliki that's resulted in the rise of ISIS.

But the past can't be undone.  Which leaves the present predicament.  We have many bad options, some less bad than others.  In the short-term, leaving Iran's proxy forces to battle it out with ISIS is a good example of a time when it would be nice to see both sides lose.  This result would weaken two actors that wish us ill-will.  But it would not be a particularly moral choice.  The civilians of Iraq would suffer the most.  Alternatively, if we intervene on the behalf of the Iraqi government, we become the Shiite Air Force.  This would anger the Sunnis, including the moderate ones who have legitimate grievances against al-Maliki's government.

The best bad option is to covertly supply intelligence information to the Iraqi government, while simultaneously attempting to persuade al-Maliki to resign so that a new, more inclusive government can bring Sunnis and Kurds back into the power structure.  If this doesn't work, then I believe we cast our lot with the Kurds, support their quasi-independent state and use it as a base to harass al-Qaeda as needed.

I am generally in favor of a policy of being LESS active in the Middle East.  We can do great harm and little good there.  That is why I believe the best policy is one that encourages good governance in Iraq, while simultaneously subtly degrading the capabilities of al-Qaeda and ISIS through small-scale covert means.

I am not optimistic about Iraq being able to maintain itself as a nation-state.  The forces of religion and tribalism are too strong  in that part of the world.  However, I do believe we must try to keep it together, for the sake of the millions of people likely to suffer if Iraq breaks apart.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Extreme Bachelorhood: An Expose


Doc. #1

Subject: Tim O.
Age: 39
Status: Extreme Bachelor

The subject being analyzed today is an example of extreme bachelorhood.  Document #1 above illustrates several components of bachelorhood.  Note the socks and boxer shorts combination.  This is evidence of not caring about his appearance at home.  Data is lacking on whether or not he is wearing a shirt.  Circumstantial evidence points to this being unlikely.  The picture also indicates couch potato activity as evidenced by the television being on.  Further research confirms both a Cox TV account (with far more channels than he could possibly watch) and a Netflix account.  The Netflix account has both a streaming AND a physical DVD/Blu-Ray component.  Highly disturbing.


Doc. #2

It appears there are 3 beers, a bottle of Pepsi, some Diet Cherry 7-Up, and...some cheese.  A background interview has confirmed that the one actual food item is a yogurt cup someone else left there months ago...likely long expired.  When asked why he hadn't thrown it away, the subject replied non-verbally, with a shrug of his shoulders.  This was followed by him talking to himself about needing to clean out the kitchen.


Doc. #3

He is good on nuts and Sweet 'n Low.  Further interviews determined that uses it for tea in the winter.  However, when pressed he seemed unsure whether he liked tea or just lots of Sweet 'n Low in something liquid.  The presence of Big League Chew is highly disturbing for a man his age.  He replied with the following statement:
"You put a pinch between your cheek and gum!"

Conclusions:
- Actual Emotional Age: 23
- Desperately needs a woman's touch in his household.
- Nutrition level: Famine

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

West Side Story

I live just west of Eastborough, or as I like to call it, "Westborough" (don't worry, no Phelps family gatherings in this Westborough!)  I can't really imagine living anywhere else in Wichita.  I'm right near several highways, so I can get just about anywhere quickly.  I'm north of Kellogg, so I don't have to live with shame and embarrassment, and I'm south of Central, so drive-by shootings aren't a problem.

At this point in this blog post, you've probably noticed how snotty I'm being about my neighborhood.  Welcome to Wichita!  It's what we do here.  No self-respecting Wichitan can go for long without denigrating the other parts of the city where the rest of the unfortunates live.  This is particularly true of the Great Eastside-Westside Debate (GEWD).  It's said that the west side has an inferiority complex.  This makes sense, since they have much to feel inferior about.  For years, GEWD has been the number one talking point for your average citizen of Doo-Dah (one of several self-inflicted nicknames for our lovely burgh).

Growing up, I was vaguely aware that left of downtown there was another city, one much more unsavory than our own.  I knew that in the wilds of west Wichita you could find all kinds of strange and exotic creatures.  Besides that, you could also go to the zoo!  Of course, I was raised to care for the less fortunate, so we would always participate in the sponsorship of west-siders.  I still remember the fundraising letters:  "For only $1 a day, you could help bring culture to the rubes..."

Ever since they got their first restaurant back in the late 1990s, the west side began to have illusions of grandeur.  Children were taught book-learnin', roads were paved, and for the first time, we took down the barricades and let them come visit the east side.  Packs of mangy children ravaged Towne East Mall for a time.  But once law and order were restored, we were able to introduce simple cultural advances to the west side: shirts with sleeves, silverware, and car tires.  Previously, the automobile had been thought of as some sort of lawn decoration, forever suspended on square blocks.

Nowadays, a west-sider is almost like a regular person.  The English language has caught on to the extent that most west-side children can no longer understand basic Delano.  The grunts and whistles of their ancestors are just strange sounds to them.  On any given day, the distinctive west-side accent can be heard from Bradley Fair to Beech Aircraft.  Sure, there are those who don't approve of the guest-worker program.  But if we don't let them come over here legally, they'll just swim across the Arkansas River and work illegally in western-wear stores and bait shops.  No, it's better to have an orderly process.

I'm just glad we can all be rational about this.  ;-)




Monday, June 16, 2014

On Tribe and Conformity

Tribal governance, as a political structure, has disappeared in the Western world and much of Asia.  To some extent, it lives on in the Middle East and Africa.  You can see its effect on the political structure of a country like Iraq right now.  However, even though it may underlay some countries' official political structures, it is no longer the principal organizing factor of government.  Much of this is due to the conquest and/or destruction of tribally-governed societies by nation-states or empires.

But tribalism lives in our modern world in other forms.  Human beings yearn to group together amongst their own "kind".  Not much has changed about this in the last few thousand years.  In our society, we can see this in the lives we live every day.  Ask yourself, what tribe do you belong to?  Are you part of the Urban Progressive Tribe?  Do you drive a Prius, consume organic foods, listen to NPR, watch Cosmos, enjoy watching soccer, and use an iPhone?  If you answered "yes" to half of those  questions, perhaps you are indeed.  The same can be said for people who drive SUVs, eat a lot of red meat, watch Fox News, play fantasy football, and use an Android phone.  There are many tribes in our modern society:  Redneck, Hip-Hop, Libertarian, Evangelical Christian, etc.

Each of these tribes has a self-identity that is vital to how the members perceive themselves.  Some tribes fashion themselves as intellectual, others as anti-intellectual.  Some are centrally organized around religion, while others around leisure activities.  But each one has a mythology about itself.  Rednecks see themselves as close to nature, while Urban Progressives believes themselves to be intellectually superior to others.  Each uses clothing, activities, consumer products, and language to gives cues to others that say, "hey, I'm in the  ______ tribe."

The internet and social-networking have been excellent tools to help people conform to the norms of the tribe.  If you look at Facebook, you will quickly learn exactly what to do and say in order to best fit into your tribe.  Here's the problem:  Tribes make you stupid.  They make you think less.  They subtly and quietly remove your need to think independently about what is right and wrong.  That's why they are so popular:  They make your life easier.

Do yourself a favor.  Be aware of your tribe.  Try to catch yourself before you react to a political issue.  Think about how much of your reaction is based on your tribe.  Try to think about that subject objectively.  It isn't always easy.  Tribalism acts subtly to make this difficult.  The easiest way to keep yourself from becoming too tribal is to sample the ideas and opinions of other tribes.  Delve into their universes...see how they think.  Was your last Facebook post intended to impress other members of your tribe?  Was it a way for you to let outsiders know what tribe you belong to?  Think more deeply about your interaction with the world.  It will make you a better human being and more likely to react logically to the world.

Any human being can be a slave to their tribe.  Think outside the tribe...you might find it refreshing.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

US Wins Bizarro World Cup!

Bizarro World Cup Results
(based on 2-on-2 games between past or present NBA players born in each country, with results converted to soccer scores)

Brazil vs. Croatia
The outside shooting of Drazen Petrovic and Toni Kukoc is too much for Nene Hilario and Leandro Barbosa. Poor free-throw shooting by Hilario results in a narrow Croatian victory.
Croatia  3
Brazil     2
Advantage: Croatia



Uruguay vs. Costa Rica
Uruguay's Esteban Batista spends 45 minutes on layup drills by himself.  Costa Ricans appeal to FIFA on grounds of unfairness.  Appeal denied.  Costa Ricans appeal to FIFA with $10,000.  Appeal granted.
Costa Rica    0
Uruguay        0
Advantage:  FIFA

Mexico vs. Cameroon
Eduardo Najera plays with the characteristic grit Big 12 fans remember.  Unfortunately, with little support from Gustavo Ayon, Mexico just isn't quick enough to defend against the slashing drives of Luc Mbah a Moute.  Ayon and Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje cancel each other out.
Cameroon  1
Mexico      0
Advantage: Cameroon

Colombia vs. Greece
Giannis Antetokounmpo practices dunking over the Colombian National Basketball team members.  After a blowout, Colombian cartels collectively put a contract out on entire Colombian team.
Greece     15
Colombia   0
Advantage:  Greece (and cartels)



Spain vs. Netherlands
Despite a valiant effort from Rik "The Flying Dutchman" Smits, Netherlands is outmatched by the inside-outside combo of Pau Gasol and Ricky Rubio.  Swen Nater is simply outmatched.  No outside game for the Netherlands results in:
Spain            3
Netherlands  0
Advantage: Spain


Chile vs. Australia
Matthew Dellavedova and Andrew Bogut show up to play...Chile forfeits.
Australia  N/A
Chile       N/A
Advantage: Australia by Forfeit


England vs. Italy
The versatility of Danilo Gallinari and size of Andrea Bargnani is too much for the outmatched England team. England refuses to allow Ben Gordon and James Donaldson to play, as they spent very little time in England after their birth.  Tabloids dub them "Yanks and Wankers".  Last minute substitutes Joel Freeland of the Portland Trailblazers and Kelenna "Big Time Buike" Azubuike are quickly defeated.
Italy      5
England 1
Advantage: Italy

Ivory Coast vs. Japan
The combined total field goals made by players from these two countries in the history of the NBA = 1
Japan           1
Ivory Coast  0
Advantage: Yuta Tabuse (parade in Japan forthcoming)


Argentina vs. Bosnia
Luis Scola dominates the paint while Manu Ginobli makes miraculous 3-pointers in a thrashing of Sasha Danilovic and Vladimir Radmanovic.  Serbia celebrates Bosnia's loss.
Argentina  4
Bosnia      1
Advantage: Argentina

US vs. ^^^
Magic and Bird play and defeat each nation over a 12-hour period, with no breaks in between games.  Bird shoots left-handed for the first 3 hours.  Magic records a quintuple-double against Italy.  At the end of the final game, a light shines down from heaven and Bird and Magic slowly ascend to the cheers of the crowd.  Several constellations appear in the night sky commemorating the new gods.
US       Infinity
World  Subservience 
Advantage: 'Merica

US World Cup Victory:  ACHIEVED

Friday, June 13, 2014

Wear a Protective World Cup


The Tyranny of Expectation

The American-born soccer nation,
looked on with anticipation.
The goal of this age?
The knockout stage!
Otherwise? Self-immolation.

It'sa me, MARIO