Monday, June 30, 2014

The Supreme Court, Birth Control, and Life Control

Actually, I don't care about birth control.  Feel free to use an IUD while reading this...or not.

Today, the Supreme Court gave us the absurd spectacle of our enormous, complex, and inefficient federal government deciding the precise composition of your health plan.  Did you think you would get a choice in deciding the composition of your health plan?  Silly you.  No, actually, you are not able to make that choice.  The federal government will decide which procedures your health insurance plan must or must not include.  It's best that they make that choice for you.  You see, it's much more efficient for the federal government to tell the insurance company what to do...who then tells your doctor what to do.  So elegant and simple!

Today's ruling is a lovely reminder that our government is getting all up in your health care.  The multiple health insurance bureaucracies that we have enjoyed for so many years are now to be coupled with a government bureaucracy.  Surely this will lead to cost-savings...SURELY!  There's nothing better than the melding of one bad system onto another bad system.  Two negatives equals a positive...am I right, math teachers?!?

Imagine, instead, a system where you directly paid a doctor for routine medical care, WITHOUT the involvement of an insurance company.  Then, if something went really badly, you would use your health insurance to pay for that (this is the definition of insurance, before it came to mean "paying for everything").  We have built a system that has an enormous number of people involved in your health care.  Far too many people.  And each of those people take a cut...and we wonder why health care is so expensive.

And guess what, if the insurance industry and government were removed from the equation, your birth control would be a lot cheaper.



Sunday, June 29, 2014

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Ballad of the Shirtless Croatian Warrior

"The AP reports brawls between Croatian and Mexican soccer fans at the World Cup yesterday..."
"Several sources report ethnic cleansing of Mexican section."

Croatia Vs. Mexico Fan Brawl Features Shirtless, Smoking Hero

Ballad of the Shirtless Croatian Warrior
by Ivano Petrovic
[in broken English with Croatian accent] in 2 stanzas

My name Ivano.
Came to Brazil to watch Croatian football team.
On way to game, got lost in favela...
Bad news for favela. Good news for funeral business.
Not easy to choke man to death in favela AND smoke cigarette.
But doable.

Football game no good.
Mexicans chant "puto" at us Croatian fans.
Don't know if this is insult...
...but beat three men to death with program just in case.
Not easy to beat man to death with program AND smoke cigarette.
But doable.
Worst day at World Cup like best day in Balkan War.


Monday, June 23, 2014

The 9 Best-Selling Books You REALLY Misunderstood



Capital by Thomas Piketty - This anti-grammar screed by Los Angeles 4th grader Thomas "tommy" Piketty rails against his teacher's attempts to get him to capitalize letters even though "lower-case is a lot cooler."



Killing Jesus by Bill O'Reilly - This shocking book-length confession details O'Reilly's participation in the death of his long-time gardener.




Insurgent by Veronica Roth - A memoir by former female Jihadi Veronica al-Hamza that details her journey from Iraqi terrorist to wife of celebrity novelist Philip Roth.



Looking for Alaska by John Green - This acclaimed memoir details Green's lifelong struggle with the little understood, and extraordinarily rare, Geographic Illiteracy Syndrome. Readers will get a birds-eye view of his doctors' race to find a cure.



Duty: Memoirs of a Secretary at War by Robert Gates - This catty tell-all by Bill Gates' older brother, and personal secretary, reveals the secrets behind the battles between corporate office-staff at Microsoft in the heady dot.com boom times of the late 1990s



The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion - A look back at the 2009 effort by President Obama to create a better health care system.



Hard Choices by Hillary Clinton - A shocking piece of erotica by the former First Lady...it details one woman's struggle to decide between two virile lovers.



Orange Is The New Black by Piper Kerman - This book details the rise of the Wichita Wings in the 1980s.

And finally...

The Fault in Our Lars by James Hetfield - This tell-all memoir details the trials and tribulations of Metallica's lead singer...and his long-standing feud with drummer Lars Ulrich.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

My personal Call of Duty

I think it's about time I picked up where I left off.  I vaguely remember shooting people...I don't know what country they were from.  As I recall, we were being invaded.  Will my muscle memory activate?  I don't know.  I'm not sure I'll remember how to reload.  Strategy?  Try not to get killed I guess.

I last played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 in early 2009.  So it's been a good 5+ years, but I feel like now is the time to pick it up again.  I don't know if my PS3 will even remember I played it or just make me start over.  "Who are you, bro?  Do you even game?"  I can hear its mocking questions now...

My video game life started in 1982 or so with the ColecoVision that my parents bought for us.


Donkey Kong was my favorite, although I'm pretty sure we had Frogger as well, which I also enjoyed.  Qbert not so much.  My neighbor down the street had an Atari, and he would let me watch him play, which was THRILLING.  I might have gotten to play one game for every 100 of his.  Maybe.

I graduated to a Nintendo a few years later and made defeating Super Mario Brothers 2 my own personal vision quest.



Eventually I succeeded, but at great cost to my thumbs.  Tecmo Bowl was totally rad on Nintendo.  Lawrence Taylor and Walter Payton were both pretty awesome on that game, but Bo Jackson was completely unstoppable on one particular running play.



Mike Tyson's Punchout was memorable for many reasons, including my favorite opponents, Soda Popinski...
...and King Hippo.


I also have a soft spot in my heart for Duck Hunt and what at the time seemed to be an amazing technology that allowed the TV screen to register hits from the gun.  It was magic.

In college, during my senior year, my roommate Jud had a Sony Playstation, which was a huge leap in graphics from the Nintendo.  It was then that I played my favorite video game of all time:  Twisted Metal 2.


With a soothing and tasteful soundtrack provided by jazz legend Rob Zombie, this game occupied many, many hours of my final year in college.  In fact, I remember my fraternity brother Ken skipping one of his finals to play this game in my living room (as I recall, he had a guaranteed "D" even if he skipped it).

Eventually I would buy a PS2 and explore the many iterations of Call of Duty.  I sure do love to kill Nazis.  My PS3 has known only first-person shooter games, with COD:MW2 the most prominent.  Perhaps I will take up arms and defend America again soon.

Iraq n' Roll

There has been a great deal of commentary about Iraq these past few weeks.  This is thanks to the efforts of the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) to conquer as much of Iraq as possible.  Of course, the blame game has begun, which made me start thinking back to 2003.  I, like most Americans, believed an invasion of Iraq was necessary to dislodge Saddam Hussein from power.  I was joined in this view by Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and John Kerry, among others.  My own thoughts at the time were that the odious Hussein regime's treatment of its people was so awful, his history of violence against Iraq's neighbors, and support of terrorism so pervasive, and their WMD program so mysterious and undefined, that the best option was to remove Saddam from power.

I was offended by the idea that democracy couldn't work for Arabs.  I believed that once Saddam was removed, the people of Iraq, with the help of Americans, could institute a democratic transition that would eventually provide them with a functioning republic.  I didn't forsee the following:

1. Saddam's regime effectively destroyed any vestige of civil society through its cruel treatment of the people of Iraq.  All institutions of power were completely corrupted by the one iron rule of Iraq:  The only law is the word of Saddam.  This left no base to build upon after the fall of his regime.

2.  The cruelty of Saddam's regime towards the Shia meant that the first thing on the minds of many in that community was REVENGE.

3.  The incredible resilience of tribalism, and its triumph over the modern nation-state.  It was this tribalism that fed the insurgency against the Americans by the Sunni.  The Sunni tribes knew that the new Iraqi government would be dominated by the large Shiite majority, and the Americans were making that possible.  Sunni extremists were happy to provide the firepower.  Only when al-Qaeda began to overreach and undermine the Sunni tribes did the Anbar Awakening begin and the power of al-Qaeda whither away.

Like many people, the painful experience in Iraq led me toward a re-examining of what American foreign policy can achieve.  For me, that led to a more Realist perspective on foreign policy.  I had forgotten the always important Law of Unintended Consequences.  This states that it is always true that government policies will have unintended consequences and sometimes these will be worse than the original problem the policy was intended to fix.  The political Right should keep in mind this law applies both to domestic AND foreign policy.

What's happening in Iraq right now is a consequence of the current Shiite-dominated Iraqi regime's mistreatment of the Sunni minority.  They have shut them out of the halls of power, and the Sunni tribes have turned to ISIS to help them recover some of that power.  In that sense, it's nobody's fault but Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and his allies.  However, the domestic political considerations of President Obama led to a complete withdrawal of US troops from Iraq.  He promised he would do it, and he did.  A wiser choice would have been to leave 1,000 to 2,000 military advisers behind to help shore up the Iraqi security forces and act as a positive influence on both the Iraqi government and the relevant tribes.  The cost of this small force would have been militarily and economically insignificant and it might have helped prevent the power grab by al-Maliki that's resulted in the rise of ISIS.

But the past can't be undone.  Which leaves the present predicament.  We have many bad options, some less bad than others.  In the short-term, leaving Iran's proxy forces to battle it out with ISIS is a good example of a time when it would be nice to see both sides lose.  This result would weaken two actors that wish us ill-will.  But it would not be a particularly moral choice.  The civilians of Iraq would suffer the most.  Alternatively, if we intervene on the behalf of the Iraqi government, we become the Shiite Air Force.  This would anger the Sunnis, including the moderate ones who have legitimate grievances against al-Maliki's government.

The best bad option is to covertly supply intelligence information to the Iraqi government, while simultaneously attempting to persuade al-Maliki to resign so that a new, more inclusive government can bring Sunnis and Kurds back into the power structure.  If this doesn't work, then I believe we cast our lot with the Kurds, support their quasi-independent state and use it as a base to harass al-Qaeda as needed.

I am generally in favor of a policy of being LESS active in the Middle East.  We can do great harm and little good there.  That is why I believe the best policy is one that encourages good governance in Iraq, while simultaneously subtly degrading the capabilities of al-Qaeda and ISIS through small-scale covert means.

I am not optimistic about Iraq being able to maintain itself as a nation-state.  The forces of religion and tribalism are too strong  in that part of the world.  However, I do believe we must try to keep it together, for the sake of the millions of people likely to suffer if Iraq breaks apart.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Extreme Bachelorhood: An Expose


Doc. #1

Subject: Tim O.
Age: 39
Status: Extreme Bachelor

The subject being analyzed today is an example of extreme bachelorhood.  Document #1 above illustrates several components of bachelorhood.  Note the socks and boxer shorts combination.  This is evidence of not caring about his appearance at home.  Data is lacking on whether or not he is wearing a shirt.  Circumstantial evidence points to this being unlikely.  The picture also indicates couch potato activity as evidenced by the television being on.  Further research confirms both a Cox TV account (with far more channels than he could possibly watch) and a Netflix account.  The Netflix account has both a streaming AND a physical DVD/Blu-Ray component.  Highly disturbing.


Doc. #2

It appears there are 3 beers, a bottle of Pepsi, some Diet Cherry 7-Up, and...some cheese.  A background interview has confirmed that the one actual food item is a yogurt cup someone else left there months ago...likely long expired.  When asked why he hadn't thrown it away, the subject replied non-verbally, with a shrug of his shoulders.  This was followed by him talking to himself about needing to clean out the kitchen.


Doc. #3

He is good on nuts and Sweet 'n Low.  Further interviews determined that uses it for tea in the winter.  However, when pressed he seemed unsure whether he liked tea or just lots of Sweet 'n Low in something liquid.  The presence of Big League Chew is highly disturbing for a man his age.  He replied with the following statement:
"You put a pinch between your cheek and gum!"

Conclusions:
- Actual Emotional Age: 23
- Desperately needs a woman's touch in his household.
- Nutrition level: Famine