A Toast to Brendan...

On a chilly autumn morning in 1978, something happened that changed the O’Bryhim family forever.  While walking through the wilds of Cedar Lakes Village near Harry and Rock, we heard a whimpering coming from the bushes.  

Much to our surprise, a semi-feral pack of border collies sprang from the foliage, leaving behind the man-cub we would name Brendan. Though still sporting a vestigial tail, we raised him as a human boy.  His border collie instincts never fully went away.  Just take a look at his bathroom sometime...you’ll see what I’m talking about.  His loyal packmates, Pepper and Jake, keep an eye on him to this very day.

Over the course of Brendan’s life, I have conducted a scientific program to create...the perfect brother.  Through a series of highly technical experiments, I have instilled a number of important life lessons in his psyche.

Life Lesson #1 - “Loyalty”...One day when Brendan was a toddler and I was about 4, I heard him crying in his bedroom.  Mom was nowhere to be found (probably drinking).  I knew I must stay loyal to my brother and stay with him.  However, nature was calling.  So, I made the right decision:  I pooped in the trash can.  Unfortunately, I missed.  It’s harder than it looks.

Life Lesson #2 - “Adversity”...One year for Christmas, Brendan very much wanted the G.I. Joe Jeep.  So when Christmas morning came, and I opened one of my presents, I was most pleasantly surprised to receive...the G.I. Joe Jeep.  Brendan was less pleased.  I can neither confirm nor deny whether I switched the labels.  However, I will say that I enjoy playing with it to this very day.

Life Lesson #3 - “Disappointment”...For years, there have been slanderous rumors that I may have been somewhat “careless” with Brendan’s things.  I may have occasionally broken a toy or 2...I may have broken the antenna on his boombox (it still worked afterwards)...but I did these things to show Brendan that with life comes disappointment.  You’re welcome!

Life Lesson #4 - “Never put your guard down”...Life sometimes takes you by surprise, so you must always be prepared.  So, when Brendan was 8, and we decided to go to a movie, I knew it was time to test Brendan’s reflexes.  He was sitting in the backseat, and I had the garage door opener in my pocket.  Soon thereafter, the rear window shattered all over my brother.  Never let your guard down, Brendan.

But there is one life lesson that I couldn’t teach Brendan.  That lesson he’s learned from Iris.  Life Lesson #5 - Unconditional, romantic love

Brendan, thank you for becoming the perfect brother.  Iris, thank you for joining our family and becoming the sister I never had.

Book Abortion...Series Edition

A single tear slid down my cheek as I gingerly placed the book on the counter.  Cherry, my personal Book-a-Holic Salesperson, lowered her head in sadness, for she knew what I was about to say.

"Cherry," I spoke in a hushed voice, "I...don't need these books anymore."

"Would you like cash or trade credit?" she whispered.

"What I'd like...no...NEED...is peace of mind," I responded.

"What happened?" she asked, the timbre of her voice wavering with the emotion of the moment.

"I really liked Gardens of the Moon...and Deadhouse Gates was very solid.  But I began to grow estranged from the series even during that second book.  The enormous number of characters, the strange names, it all became so confusing, even with an index of names.  And some of my favorite characters appeared and disappeared...it caused so much pain..."

I looked down at the floor, trying to collect myself.

"When I started Memories of Ice, I never would have dreamed I would close that cover forever without finishing the book.  I wouldn't have dared guess I would come here with the fourth book completely unread..."

Cherry gave me a look steeped in compassion, "The Malazan Book of the Fallen series is famously intricate and detailed...and long.  No one will blame you for stopping."

"I need no one else's forgiveness...only my own," I replied, my eyes betraying my sorrow.

"I can give you $3 for all these."

"Sweet," I replied, "that happens to be the price of my regret."

Jolly Old ISIS

According to this article in USA Today, more British Muslims fight for ISIS than for the British Armed Forces.

Britain's Ministry of Defense confirmed to USA TODAY that there are approximately 600 British Muslim servicemembers in its armed forces of almost 200,000 people. Official government estimates put the number of British Islamic State fighters operating in Syria and Iraq at up to 800...

 Khalid Mahmood, a member of Parliament from an area with a high proportion of Muslim residents, said government estimates of the number of British Islamic State fighters currently in the Mideast is far too conservative. He told Newsweek magazine this week that at least 1,500 extremists are likely to have been recruited to fight in Iraq and Syria over the last three years.

It goes without saying that this is a profoundly disturbing set of facts for the future of UK.  Approximately 5% of the people in the UK are Muslim.  Due to birth rates and immigration, that percentage will almost certainly continue to grow.  According to several surveys of British Muslim opinion, attitudes amongst younger Muslims tend to be more antagonistic towards British society.  36% of 16-24 year olds believe that the punishment for a Muslim leaving Islam should be death.  Only 19% of the 55+ crowd have a similar belief.  Overall, 28% of British Muslims hoped that the UK would eventually become an Islamic state.

The good news is that the majority of British Muslims do not share these beliefs.  However, the proportion of British Muslims that reject the cultural traditions and mores of England is a testament to the decline in the confidence of the modern Western nation-state.  Many people believed that by attacking the concept of English (American, French, you name it) nationalism and patriotism, they would be able to inculcate a universalist ideology that would replace the messy nationalist creeds of the 19th and 20th centuries.  Instead, the result has been tribalism in the form of religious fervor.

People want to believe in something.  If a culture loses its confidence in its core beliefs, people will find something else to believe in.  That something else is not going to be the brotherhood of man, the United Nations, or anything so benign.  Instead, it will be something that can actually inspire the fire in a young man's belly:  Religion, tribe, nation, etc.

If a nation so loses its own confidence that it is unable or unwilling to make a case for its own value, it cannot survive in the long-term.  The major political parties in Europe have lost sight of the value of their own cultures.  Thus, new immigrants are not taught to value their new countries.  The eventual result can only be catastrophe.  Already, various Euroskeptic and anti-immigrant parties have made headway across the continent.  This should be no surprise.  The undemocratic nature of the European Union has disguised the disgust felt amongst the average citizen towards the immigration policies of their home countries.  The new parties have arisen in response to the traditional parties unwillingness to face the problem.

The endgame for all this is unclear.  But there are several possibilities:

1.  Major parties find the zeal of the convert and coopt the more reasonable platforms of their new rivals, resulting in sane immigration and naturalization policies that limit immigration, end perverse incentives caused by welfare payments to new immigrants, and encourage new immigrants to acculturate to their new home.

2.  They continue to ignore the problem, causing new, and ever-more radical parties to rise to prominence.  These parties will only exacerbate the problems between Muslim communities and the majority.  Eventually, this could lead to actual Fascism...which Europe is quite familiar with.

3.  The major parties bend to the will of the radical Islamists and allow the character of the nation to be changed through a lack of willingness to confront totalitarianism and theocratic fascism for what it is.  The results of this would be subtle at first...a rise in anti-Semitism, special treatment of Muslims at the expense of others, a blind eye to barbaric cultural traditions.  Some of this is already happening.

Let's hope for #1

Ferguson, Not Maynard

Ferguson Predictions:

1. It will be confirmed that Michael Brown participated in a strong-arm robbery that day.
2.  By the end of all this, the initial story of a kid being shot while running away, with his hands up, will be found to be entirely untrue...not a kid, not running away, hands not up.
3.  Multiple witnesses will confirm the cop's story.
4.  Police departments will continue to militarize for no good reason.
5.  Political pressure may result in charges against the officer.
6.  He will be acquitted due to the charges being unwise and unwarranted.
7. This will cause people to riot.
8. People will continue to overlay their political agenda on top of this situation.

6 Steps Toward a Better Education System

1. Pay math and science teachers more. This is necessary to attract talent.  The demand for them is high, but they can make more money elsewhere.  I'm a history teacher, so I don't benefit from this.  There is already enough self-interest built into this system.

2.  Decentralize.  Large bureaucratic school systems make poor decisions because they don't have adequate knowledge about the things that go on in their schools.  Don't give money to districts, give it to schools and teachers.

3.  Blur the line between teachers and administrators.  All administrators should also teach.  All teachers should help administrate.  It will make each better at their job.

4.  Fire bad teachers.  Tenure is a plague upon our educational system.  It sounds noble, but it is less noble up close.  How can you determine who is a bad teacher?  First, ask the students if they are learning.  Students can instantaneously tell you which teachers are helping them learn.  They can also differentiate between a cool teacher and a good teacher.  Just ask them.

5.  Hire smart and motivated people.  First, destroy the monopoly enjoyed by education schools.  A teaching certificate is not necessary to be a good teacher.  What's necessary is intelligence, motivation, charisma, and the knowledge necessary to succeed.  The first three can be sought out by human resources professionals.  Necessary knowledge can be gained by immersion into the classrooms of great teachers.

6.  Stop worrying so much about standardized tests.  Somehow, Socrates managed to educate his students without them.  If you implement #4 and #5, you won't need to worry about test scores any longer.

The Best British Films/TV Series You Haven't Seen

Jeremy Brett is the quintessential Sherlock Holmes.  Once you watch The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, you will never be able to read any Holmes stories without hearing Brett's voice.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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Sir Alec Guinness is masterful as George Smiley in the ORIGINAL adaptation of John LeCarre's novels.  First watch Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and then follow it up with Smiley's People.  I can't say enough about the quality of the acting in these two BBC miniseries from 1979 and 1982, respectively.  The 2011 remake is significantly inferior.  Don't bother with it.  The original is available on Netflix Disc.

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When I was a boy, my family would sit together and watch All Creatures Great and Small on PBS.  To this day, it is still one of my favorite shows.  In fact, as you can see above, I visited the real Yorkshire town where the real "James Herriot" practiced.  The museum has the original BBC set, which you'll notice when comparing the photographs above.  The true adventures of veterinarian James Herriot in England's Yorkshire Dales in the 1930s and 1940s are family-friendly and a real treat.  It's just a shame that the original actress that played Helen, the lovely Carol Drinkwater, left the show after three seasons. Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

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The 2005 adaptation of Charles Dickens' Bleak House is a wonderful BBC miniseries!  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.  Features Big Daddy Lannister and Wedge Antilles from Star Wars!***************************************************************************

Island At War is a British miniseries about the German occupation of the Channel Islands during World War II.  A great dramatization of a difficult time for the Englishmen of Guernsey and Jersey.  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.
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Another fantastic adaptation of Dickens by the BBC.  I highly recommend this 2008 version of Little Dorrit. Not currently available on Netflix.
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Albert Finney and Vanessa Redgrave dazzle as Winston and Clementine Churchill in The Gathering Storm.  Available on Netflix Disc.
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Anthony Kitchen is absolutely perfect as Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle in Foyle's War.  A great view into life in England during and just after World War II.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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The Up Series (7 Up, 14 Up, 21 Up...all the way to 56 Up) follows a group of British children from age 7 to age 56 through a series of documentaries that started in 1964.  What a fascinating study of the lives of these human beings.  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

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Behold the greatest detective in medieval England...Brother Cadfael of Shrewsbury.  Available on Netflix Disc.

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Long Way Round chronicles the real-life adventure of Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman to travel round the world on BMW motorcycles.  Watch it, you'll love it!  Available on Netflix Streaming and Disc.

John Kerry...The Belle of the Ball

"It’s the buzz from Boston to the Beltway: What the heck is going on with Secretary of State John Kerry’s face???  The former senator’s usually craggy puss is now smooth, puffy and showing no sign of the laugh lines, crow’s feet or deep forehead creases that were evident in his 2004 official Senate portrait."  

-- Boston Herald, September 20th, 2013

ALL the international diplomacy fashion blogs were abuzz about it.  It was on the tip of the tongue of every diplomat, fashionista, and designer in and around Foggy Bottom.  Vladmir Putin blogged about it.  Bashir Assad wondered about it in cabinet meetings.  David Cameron and Francois Hollande gossiped about it ENDLESSLY.

 

The topic of conversation?

Was John Kerry pretty enough to bring about world peace?

Sure, his friends always reminded him how beautiful he looked in an ascot, or wearing a collared shirt with a few buttons tastefully undone.  But a Secretary of State can grow jaded about these kind of compliments.  I mean, it's one thing to have your friends say this kind of thing, but it's another to have a European foreign minister undress you with her eyes in front of everyone at the Palace of Versailles.

The problem is that everyone in the diplomatic community over-glamorizes physical beauty.  Yitzhak Rabin and Yasser Arafat received endless fan mail from teenage girls after the Oslo Accords.  Neville Chamberlain couldn't get Tiger Beat to leave him alone after his peace agreement with Hitler.  Screaming Parisian girls constantly disrupted the Paris Peace Accords whenever Henry Kissinger would appear outside for a smoke break.  Warren Christopher received so many marriage proposals after the Dayton Accords that he shaved his head and refused to appear in public without a disguise for six months.

Despite all the compliments about his soft skin...Despite the comparison of his eyes to the color of a patrician's private lake...Deep inside, John Kerry didn't really believe he was beautiful.  Many wonder if his diplomatic skills would have completely collapsed if Simon Cowell and Bruce Jenner hadn't taken him aside and shown him that there was another way...a shortcut to beauty, and therefore, diplomatic excellence.

The procedure didn't take long.  But the effects were lasting.  America's status in the world has skyrocketed.  John Kerry has been hailed as perhaps the prettiest Secretary of State since George Schultz.

Dreams really do come true.